Feeling Guilty

Few months ago, I came across a funny article in Air France’s In-flight magazine. Although my knowledge about French is minuscule, somehow I managed to decode most part of it, partly with the help of friends with better French. I don’t remember whole of it, but here’s the English version of whatever little I recollect. Take it with a pinch of salt. These are not my views, but I agree to most of them.

God, I really feel guilty. For a lot of things I’ve done in life.

I’ve been a Businessman all this time, somewhat different than the regular ones. Long time ago, I started a business, with no capital. With a very small workspace and no work experience at all, started something which would help me earn thousands in minutes. A business which has no fixed retirement age, no educational qualification restrictions, no selling of door to door goods, no publicity via phone calls.

A bit about my clientele. They are from all walks of life, all professions. The rich and also the poor, people from the metros as well as from the village. Something more interesting, even if I change my base, my business will be unaffected in terms of numbers. Recession has sunken me, oh no, but in fact, in a small way it has helped me. I believe that I’ve lived a life which is every budding successful entrepreneur’s dream. You’re probably wondering, am I doing something illegal, something anti-social. No I’m not. I was an astrologer.

Failing in the 11^th grade for the second time, my life was a mess, until I saw a small paper ad about this business. They have coaching classes for everything back there in India, and there was a coaching class for this too. One course of a year’s duration did me more good than 15 years of school education. One thing was also certain, I had no death until people stop caring about how their future would be.

I was trained for every situation. Each individual horoscope has a good part and a bad part attached to it. Adapting to every client, I had to come up with different stuff. Not that I had to tell false interpretations, but I had to come up with partial truth. Explaining which stars and planets are in the wrong position ( People come to me only when something’s wrong or the want something in life, not when everything’s good) that you’ve landed up in a mess. Next thing, point to a time in future where all of the stars get in the favorable positions. Give the client a ray of hope. Lastly, tell them that this science is not 100% foolproof, but in most cases it turns to be quite right. Don’t worry; people still will keep coming to you, and if not previous clients, new ones. As people kept worrying about their future, I was side by side securing my future through their money!

Going back to the first line, about me feeling guilty, let me straighten it out a bit. I feel guilty for plentiful reasons. For breaking the hearts of several couples who couldn’t marry because their horoscopes didn’t match. For changing people’s names and making them believe this would bring them fortune. I feel bad for the people who had to reject perfectly wonderful apartments just because the entrance was facing a particular direction. I feel terrible making people buy expensive rings that would brighten their future. For making people perform ridiculously expensive rituals at home to supposedly bring peace and prosperity.

I feel more terrible for doing something without actually knowing the basics. Doing something which I had no idea where it came from and how it developed. Later when I studied more deeply, I got to know this was more of a statistical science rather than pure science. Its foundation lies from the study of people over the years with reference to position of stars and planets. It’s based upon the observation that people born on similar planet positions share similar fortune. It’s a collection of observations of scholars for over a long period of time written in form of scripts. To add more, different set of Astronomy scholars have different ways of inferring from the horoscope. It’s by no way foolproof.

I am still amused as to how there can be the same set of fortune for a beggar born on the same date and time when a successful businessman was born. My belief also says that you have more command over your life than some planets and stars which are a million miles away. One more thing, even if I tell you everything correctly about your future, how’s it going to benefit you? If something it is going to happen, it’ll happen anyways, knowing about it wouldn’t help you change it!

Lots of questions I still ponder in my mind while sitting on this comfortable fully reclining chair in my Bungalow on the Paris - Nice road. I happily retired a couple of years ago, but the business back in India is still strong thanks to my disciples in India. I see the cyclists running from my window for the second most prestigious Bike race in France. Life’s good, but somewhere in the corner of my heart, I feel something wrong.

I’m guilty.