Socializing

Two words to describe me right now are 'I'm confused'. Confused regarding a lot of things.

I used to consider myself as a very social person. I Liked being around people. Did a lot of things to get everyone together. Stimulated many a conversation in a dull lit room filled with people. On the other hand, I also did many things to run away from people. Avoiding a few trips with friends, running away from social parties, sitting alone in a room filled with joyous people chatting all around on interesting topics. Sometimes you would just see me in the corner of the room sitting alone and wonder, this person, social, seriously?

When I think about this more, I ask myself, If I come to Mumbai for say 3 days, what would I like to do. Call everyone and say I am coming, meet the maximum number of friends that I can. Relieve the good old times. Or would I like to not inform everyone and meet only the closest ones. The ones who matter to me the most. Both ideas sound equally good, the second slightly better than the first.

Is this wierd? Does this happen to everyone? Oh crap, I'm so confused! This birthday, I was surrounded with a lot of people, cutting a big cake, gifts, party everything that too a couple of days before the exam. Everything that is needed to make it a good day was there. But, somehow I missed one thing that I did every birthday. I missed having one good lenthy conversation that I have every year. The person keeps on changing, but that thing remains.

First semester in US I was hanging around in a group of 12 people. Now there are 7, nobody knows the number next semeter and thereafter, but 12 is a seriously big number. When I look back, i seriously miss those days, but numbers like 12 don't really work for long. Nothing more than 4 can be called as 'ideal' is what i feel.

On trips, I seriously like to be with fewer people. I agree with many people you can have lot of activities. Games like Mafia, Antakshari, Cards, cricket, football, parties and many more things. But at some point where you reach a stage and ask yourself that do you really want to make it a school trip or an IV.

I wish to make that one good trip with not more than 5 friends and a Guitar, doesn't matter if it's only for 2 days. Location, no problem. I wish to cut out from the rest of the world for those 2 days. No phone, no chatting, no internet.

Life has a different color everyday. One day you might love to be alone and listen to a wonderful song. Next day, you would like someone to sing a good song for you. The day after you would sing it with the closest of friends. After that you would listen to that song with all your colleagues. Each time you would love it! For entirely different reasons!